As my husband and I limped back to our hotel room after too much dancing at our wedding, we were still marvelling at the fact that the whole thing had gone off without a hitch. It took me a moment to stop, reflect, and realise that the past 18 months of planning had indeed been worth the sleepless nights and minor breakdowns.
In particular, coming from a blended family, it was super important to me that all our parents in this new partnership felt valued and recognised for the precious part they play in my and my husband's life.
So here are my top 3 tips as a celebrant and newlywed in planning a wedding involving your parents:
Ask your parents to share their recollections of your love story
After all, sometimes the people who may have been there for the whole journey might remember a thing or two that you completely spaced on about your relationship. It can be a really beautiful bonding time to reminisce with your parents about the things they love about your partner (and you!).
Your parents could contribute their cute, funny and meaningful recollections via a letter that the celebrant can read out. Alternatively, if your parents enjoy speaking in front of people, ask them to personally share this in the ceremony (with the celebrant's assistance with the mic if needed).
Give your parents a special role in the wedding
If you have a helpful family like I am lucky enough to have, I found I was asked in advance quite a bit about 'how can I help on the day?'. I realised that giving parents special roles in the wedding also ensured that I was able to show how appreciative I was of all their support.
For example, you could ask your parents to:
Be witnesses to the signing of the marriage documents;
Invite your parents to perform a reading during the ceremony from a momentous book, movie or song;
Invite your parents to provide the rings if you decide to exchange rings in the ceremony
Choose how you might have the procession
With a blended family (two fathers) I found this an extremely difficult process to conduct open dialogue with, particularly without offending either person that I hold with the highest regard and love. Of course, it totally depends on your own family situation and whether the suggestions below might work for you and the delicacies of family relationships.
Some options for walking down the aisle could be:
Walk independently - traditions are important, it's true, however it's pretty common nowadays for women to mosey down that aisle all on their own.
Walk with both your parents on either arm
Ask one parent to take you halfway down the aisle, and then the other parent to walk the other half to meet your partner at the end.
Walk down the aisle together with your partner - instead of a first look, this is a great way to interact with your guests both at the start and end of the wedding.
Ask a different family member to walk you down the aisle, and involve other family members in different ways in the wedding.
Don't have a procession at all! Simply arrive near the ceremony space in advance, greet guests, and begin the ceremony from here.
This of course isn't an exhaustive list, hopefully it does give you some starting ideas for how to include all those special people in your life to make a ceremony brimming with love, warmth and good vibes.
To facilitate all this, remember your celebrant is right there with you in the lead up and on the day. Lean on them and keep communication open for any concerns you have about looking after your family members. As a celebrant I know there's enough on your plate in planning a wedding - a little peace of mind in knowing family will get along fine is a huge weight off of your shoulders.
Happy planning! x
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